We’ve been happily married for four years now. We were two Romanians working in Asia, for the same company. I used to feel like a failure, as if something were wrong with me. Most of them seemed settled they were married and had the house, the men, the kids, and the dog. We can live our own lives and mind our own journey, or we can choose to compete with others over who’s more attractive, wealthier, happier, or more successful.ĭuring my single years, I often compared myself to other women. However, there are situations when we make the rules, and the choice is entirely up to us. There are some circumstances when we have no choice but to compete-when applying for a new position at work or attending job interviews, for example. Our society often encourages competition. “Comparing yourself to others is an act of violence against your authentic self.” ~Iyanla Vanzant Here’s what I have realized I need to do: 1. My parents did the best they could at the time, and society did the best it knew, so I am not blaming but instead looking for hidden and limiting beliefs that have worked against me. Pleasing others was addictive because I felt validated whenever I heard “well done!” And then I wanted to do even better. I was always striving to be the best friend I could be, the best daughter, or the best employee at work. When I wasn’t competing with other people, I was competing with myself. As a young woman, I didn’t see myself as good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, or successful enough, and I desperately tried to be perfect. Teachers were always making comparisons between students, parents would compare their children to their friends’ or neighbors’ kids, and no one truly encouraged individual talents.Īs a result of this conditioning, I ended up struggling with serious self-esteem issues for many years.
As a child, I remember spending an average of ten hours a day studying and doing homework during weekdays.
In my home country, Romania, like in many other places, the schooling system was a fierce competition to get the best grades and be the first in the class. “Where does she live? I want a house at least that size.” “Do I look better than her? I want to be slimmer.” In some cultures, competing is perceived as a sign of ambition, power, and strength. Most of us grew up hearing constant comparisons, which turned into a habit during our adult lives: I don’t need to dominate or put someone else down in order to feel superior and worthy. I love harmony, peace, collaboration, and win-win situations, kind of like “me happy, you happy.” I don’t need to watch another person lose the game to feel good about myself. Every time I compete, I feel pressured and disconnected from others. “With nothing to compare yourself to, aren’t you perfect?” ~Byron Katie
0 kommentar(er)
